I am apathetic and lonely. My brain is all sorts of fucked up right now. I feel like I'm falling someplace I can't get out of.

I just want a drink and lord knows I can't just revert to that....I have nothing here whatsoever that would numb me and it hurts. I hate it.

I feel desperate for some human contact right now. Skin on skin. Instead all I have are fuzzy blankets and the internet. Both of which are making me feel worse because the blanket is my mother's and the internet just reminds me of what could have been.

Fuck. There is actually some beer here and I'm fighting myself from drinking it. Part of me is saying "No, you need to feel again. The bad things as well as the good. Punish yourself." and the rest of me is going "NUMB NUMB NUMB YAY!! DOOOOO IT!!!"

I just wanna crawl in a hole and sleep for about 15 years....




Instead I may do some art. Pain = Art, right Mr. Palahnuik?

I just spent the last of my paycheck on some much needed groceries....thank god Matt is working a double today. Hopefully he'll bring home some money. Regardless, I am going to make myself a kickass breakfast for dinner :P

In other news, my house is haunted! Nothing too malicious, but it only shows up when Matt leaves. I think it doesn't like him lol....

Also, my house is filled with GIANT wolf spiders. They're so creepy and ugh. We got some spider killer and I haven't seen any in the last two days, but idk. I'm still creeped out wherever I walk...

I'm so bored I'm playing Oblivion for like the 1357489413rd time....I just want Matty to come home!!

So ya I'd been freaking out a little bit last week lol. Here's what happened. My stepmom, Lindsay, called me last Saturday and told me that my tags were about to expire. She said she'd tried to get them but they returned her money too her because I need to get my emissions done. Boo, okay? But then she tells me I'll actually have to take a road trip to Chicago before the end of the month. Wow. Fuck. In the middle of this call, Matty calls to say that our old landlord (we're in the process of moving, some of our stuff is still there) is telling us that we need to get everything out of there NOW.

I work 40 hours a week, Matty goes to work AND school full time....so it's really hard to get stuff done yet still get enough sleep to function.....

So anyway, after stressing myself grey, I figured I'd call the EPA to see if I could get an extension or even just take my emissions test down here. So ya, turns out Lindsay is ridiculous lol because I can get tested down here and fax them my information. Also Matty worked out a deal with the old landlords and we've gotten half of the stuff left into storage. They even said they'd give us a good recommendation for the future! Apparently we're the only ones who have paid AND cleaned. Wow. That poor lady lol....

Yup, that was my week.







Tl;dr? I agree. Here: I was panicking, now I am not....

Reply, repost, love.


01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
26) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
27) Do you believe in ghosts?
28) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
29) Do you swear a lot?
30) Biggest pet peeve?
31) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
32) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
33) Favourite and least favourite food?
34) Do you believe in God?
35) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

So I'm totally home sick from work right now. I really do enjoy getting paid to sit on my computer!

I had fun last night. Matt's job (Taco Mac, it's a restaurant and he's a server) had free bowling night It was fun and we got drunk. I had to use bumpers because of my wrist and got made fun of a little bit but eh. Whatever,

I'm definitely sick of the rain though. It feels like it's been raining for weeks down here. Ugh I just want it to go away now. Please and thank you.

God, I've missed the internet and the fantastically funny culture involved. Catching up on my communities has been fun. Also a great way to waste time. If you can think of anything AMAZING I would have missed in the last year or so, feel free to lemme know.... :D

Peace.

Hello again internet. It has been quite a long time.

So ya, I'm alive lol. I suppose it's time for an update on the wonderful life of Shayla.

Ok, so I'm still in Georgia. I work at a call center. When people get their phones disconnected, they call me. Usually I tell them to pay lol. My job is to say "no" as professionally as possible, and (sadly?) I'm really good at it. That's why I'm a "supervisor" lol. I don't actually manage anyone, but when you ask for the agent's manager, you get me....yeah...

Also, I am living with my boyfriend of a year and a half, Matt. He's fucking amazing guys, seriously. I feel like I'm a princess when I'm with him. He's like my best friend and my boyfriend all rolled up in one.

I do have some awesome friends down here too. Good people, for real.

Lets see, I got an iPhone. It makes me happier than any phone really should haha.

I feel like I've become really zen lately. I have a real sense of inner peace I haven't felt in a long time. Is this what it feels like to be content, or am I just growing up? I'm not really sure but either way, I'm loving who I am again. I think getting rid of Joe really helped with that. Go figure, right?

Well, that's it for now kids. Hopefully I'll start updating again in a relatively consistent manner. I've also felt the creative bug creeping in again, so maybe beaux_amoureux will be running again soon. Who knows?

Her name is Patricia Carter, and she will be 41 years old forever.

But she would have been 44 yesterday. I wanted to post something then, but it didn’t work out. So it’s here today…

Happy birthday mom…



Poem excerpt from ‘if there are any heavens my mother will (all by herself) have” by e.e. Cummings, from the book ViVa (thank you Sarah)

I am currently in the process of making about a thousand pumpkin pies...

Ok, maybe not a thousand....but at least six which is still a lot. I have a giant bowl of pumpkin shlop sitting in the fridge....

Pictures are coming, 'cause joe made this creepy demon-face thing on the pumpkin before we cooked it lol....

I'm really not a big fan of right now....

Jordan Shneider is pregnant and for some reason it made me cry.

This is the most amazing thing I have seen in a long time....

My best friend just lost her virginity to a Magnum XL boy....





Ouch....

I bought a pumpkin and haven't carved it yet....ah I am so lame...



I am drunk as hell though, so I guess that is a pseudo decent excuse....


Fucking A DDR is cooler than I originally thought it was.....hahahha sweet


I am having so much fun

YAY